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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Free at Last ... Maybe.

For the love of God! Finally, it appears I can post to this damn blog again. Blogger went ahead and decided to sync my Gmail account with my blogger account, without telling me. So that's why I've been out of touch for most of November.

Things are going well. November has been a month of slow changes: I'm getting to know some of my students really well, and I'm beginning to have some real patience for some classes I thought were lost causes; I'm realizing that what I can do and what I want to do are two very different things when it comes to teaching; I'm learning when to give in to the oblivion of so many students, and when to resist them. And it's finally (finally!) getting cooler here. It can still climb toward eighty around noon, but the nights are cool and the air just feels better.

A lot has happened, so be sure to check out some pictures, if that's your thing. I'll try to update with some substance soon.

I'll close by saying that I think I've found a good maybe. I think I’ve hit a wall, something I’ve wanted to hit, prayed to hit, needed to hit for a long time. And I hope – think – that I’ve hit it now. A wall whee I can stop acting like a child, stop focusing on childish things, and I stop allowing the lazy idleness of childhood. There is so much to do, so little time to do it. So much to enjoy, to see, to learn, to understand. So much to love. And this childish laziness is not improving me in any way. Maybe … maybe is a word I find new meaning for here. Maybe used to be my polite no. It used to be a way for me to mitigate things I didn’t want to face with full attention. Slip in a maybe, and watch it slide away into no. But here, maybe is an opportunity, an invitation, a call to really open yourself, to really be or do something. I’ve got to stop living the maybe of old, and embrace the maybe of now. It’s a real world out there that I known I’ve been dying to see, to live, and maybe, just maybe, I can still see it.

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